Continuously Being Labeled Passoinate as an Assertive Woman Leader
Preoccupations
Neither Men Nor Mice
LAST fall, while working with corporate women across various industries, job levels and generations, an age-old issue re-emerged at a near-fever pitch. Women were obsessed about being labeled a "bitch," and to a degree I hadn't seen since the 1990s.
The reason for their nervousness? Sure, they saw obnoxious women on reality TV shows. And they endured all the talk-show lampooning of Sarah Palin and Hillary Rodham Clinton during the 2008 presidential campaign. Yet one issue was even more personal: A recession was in full swing, and jobs were on the line.
As one woman put it, "Even in this day and age, a guy barks out an order and he is treated like someone who is in charge and a leader. But when a woman communicates in the exact same way, she's immediately labeled assertive, dominating, aggressive and overbearing."
Today, women make up half of the work force, and half of the enrollment at medical and law schools. With numbers like these, you'd think that women could finally relax and stop worrying about how they are being perceived at the office.
But women must still deal with a well-entrenched double standard when it comes to gender-acceptable behavior. Because of that, they often fall victim to self-defeating actions that can undercut their careers. They may assume a strident command-and-control approach or else turn passive — by clamming up, being indirect, failing to ask for what they want or need, and refusing to delegate junior-level tasks and responsibilities.
Consider one of my clients, whose male subordinate had botched a financial analysis. Though he was completely at fault, she was reluctant to tell him how badly he had done because of how she would be perceived. Instead of asking him to redo the assignment, she planned to fix the report herself.
It's hard to blame women for this type of behavior, especially when you look at the research.
One study from Carnegie Mellon and Harvard gave participants descriptions of men and women with equivalent qualifications who had applied for a fictitious job. When told that some candidates had tried to negotiate for a higher salary, the study participants — whether men or women — found fault at twice the rate with the women who negotiated than with the men who negotiated. Translation? Pushy women are less likely to be hired.
So how do women stay strong and in control, given this narrower band of acceptable behavior? They can start by revamping their communication style, resisting the extremes of acting like a bull in a china shop or being as quiet as a mouse.
Image 
When I suggest to women that they make communication adjustments, there's often a huge pushback. "Why do we have to change? It's not fair," they tell me. And they are right. But as long as the stereotypes remain all-powerful and are perpetuated by men and women alike, it's necessary to navigate them.
A key to deflecting the stereotypes is learning to communicate in ways that tap into our best selves — in terms of expertise and personality — and to connect through a compelling combination of warmth and strength. A communication tune-up can go a long way toward building rapport when coupled with techniques like being conversational, conveying a message in a specific and succinct way, and using humor, direct eye contact and a firm voice.
In the case of my client, I advised her to take a risk and to assert her leadership by approaching her colleague with something like: "I know you worked really hard on this, but the numbers in the first section don't add up. If I present your report to my boss and his boss as is, it's going to make us both look very bad. So I need you to redo the analysis, staying as long as is necessary until it's right. But first, let's go over it so you can see the mistakes."
She did not need to berate the employee. She simply needed to acknowledge his hard work, then ask him to correct the errors.
A few months later, in a presentation in front of the entire management team, her boss's boss argued a point with her. She was afraid he'd become angry if she argued back. "Although I disagreed with him," she told me, "all I could think of was how much the guy hates to be wrong."
But instead of shutting down and shutting up as she would have done previously, she said: "I think there's a misunderstanding about what we're talking about. Let me see if I can clear up the confusion." She then clarified her point, using data to back up her reasoning.
Ultimately, women must be more mindful and use greater finesse when conveying their messages. We need to become better chameleon communicators and to carefully read our audience, adjusting our style to the circumstances.
Let me be clear. I'm not asking you to give up your soul — but rather to exercise new communication muscles so you can be heard in a variety of situations by a wide range of people.
The ultimate goal: for them to get the message without wanting to get back at you.
Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/jobs/07preoccupations.html
0 Response to "Continuously Being Labeled Passoinate as an Assertive Woman Leader"
Post a Comment